


The One Where Ed Burger is Trans

by Sabeki



Category: Paranatural (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Spirit Hijinks, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8204258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabeki/pseuds/Sabeki
Summary: Ed Burger is having a weird day, and in Mayview, weird days only get weirder!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I relate to Ed Burger a lot. That was me as a kid, dude. So I'm basically writing this because I relate to him a lot, plus I saw some fanart of Ed in a skirt and thought "huh, that's pretty cool.". Enjoy!

The mirror talked, which was annoying enough. It had the unfortunate tendency to comment on your appearance, your ‘dumb glasses’, the ‘appalling lack of fashion, you green-benecked charlatan’, or even ‘the frightening tenacity you display around that red girl’.

One time, the mirror had critiqued Ed’s sketchbook when he threw it on the floor and it opened on a random page, saying ‘Oh, is that anime?’, which Ed nearly shattered it for in hopes of making sure Isaac never heard that Ed drew anime.

Today, however, the mirror only had one comment to throw his way. “Ah, young Mister Burger, it would appear you are growing!”

“What?” Ed deflected, “That can’t be right. Isabel does all the growing here!”

“Say what you will, Mr. Burger, but I see you’ve grown half an inch. An impressive start that I’m sure will only grow with time!”

Ed shrugged into a green coat and covered the mirror in a blanket.

“Are you wearing a coat in this weather, again? Mr. Burger, take this blanket off this instant! Mr. Burger?”

As Ed walked down the stairs, the mirror’s complaints faded into the distance. He dipped into the kitchen, where nobody was up yet. Ed liked being the first one up, so he could be places faster, which horribly compounded with his tendency to stay up late in a way which meant he usually slept in class.

He got a bowl out of the 

_ Thump _

Kitchen cupboard, then went into the fridge

_ Thump thump _

To get a carton of milk, which he set

_ THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP _

On the table just in time to

_ WHUD _

Make sure he dodged Isabel when she tried to tackle him, meaning she landed square on her chest hitting the floor.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He asked, grinning the whole time.

“Stayed up too late to beat me to breakfast,  _ again _ ?”

Isabel groaned on the floor, and Ed poked her in the ribs in retaliation.

“It’s not f-aaaaaaaaaa-ir! I went to bed earlier than you!”

Ed just poured the last remnants of cereal into his bowl, and then the last bits of milk as well, after which he grabbed the last clean spoon in the drawer to eat it with.

“Looks like you’re just going to have to eat Protein-Wheat X-treme-stract like Mr. Guerra wants after all.”

Isabel dragged herself off the floor and went to the Protein-Wheat X-treme-Stract cubby, which was conspicuously full with X-treme-stract all the way from last year due to the fact that it tasted like a hideous combination of sawdust and churlishness.

“This totally sucks, and when I’m more awake I’m gonna totally noogie you.” Isabel stated manner-of-factly as she stirred X-Treme-stract into a glass of water with a plastic knife.

“What can I say Izzie?” Ed asked as he crunched down on sweet, sugary, diabetes-ful cereal. “Life just ain’t fair.”

Isabel gurgled down her X-Treme-Stract in an annoyed fashion, if such a thing can be done in such a way, and glared at him. Her eyes narrowed a bit in the Isabel “I-Need-To-Know-Your-Physical-Weaknesses” Guerra style that she so often narrowed them, and then widened them again.

“Hey Ed, are you getting taller?”

Ed blinked behind his glasses. Was he taller? He didn’t feel taller. He certainly didn’t want to  _ be  _ taller.

“No.”

“You are totally taller! What happened to me being the only one who got growth spurts in this family?”

“I swear Izzie, my genes conspired against me! I’m totally innocent!”

Isabel narrowed her eyes again, in a different way this time. More concerned, maybe even… envious? What the hell?

“Izzie, are you OK?”

Isabel blushed a little in the way that Ed knew meant she was genuinely trying her best to hide her feelings, then rapped her knuckles on the table and downed the disgusting X-Treme-stract in one gulp.

“Oh god, Izzie, you know what happens when you eat too much of that stuff at once! Hang on, lemme call the ambulance!”

Isabel held up her hand, choking twice but not puking, and then swallowed.

“Oh… Oh man.” She gasped, coughed twice, turned green, then blue, then several worrying shades of orange, until finally settling down in an unhealthy-but-probably-fine pumice color.

“Jesus, shit, dude, that totally went down the wrong way.” She gasped again a little, but recovered, and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s fine, just don’t grow again, right?”

Ed grinned and patted her hand. “I’ll try to clamp down on those mutinous genes as fast as possible, ma’am.”

“Good man! Now come on, let’s get to school!” Isabel slammed out the door, Ed on her heels.

But Ed couldn’t stop thinking.  _ Am I really getting taller?  _ He didn’t know why it made him feel so uncomfortable, but it did. It felt like suddenly he could feel his bones working against him, the snapping and popping and stretching taking his body from where it was to somewhere… foreign and unknown.

“Ed?” Isabel was waving her hand in front of him. “Ed, we’re here.”

“I know, ma’am! Just checking the wavelengths for spooky ghosts!” Ed replied, slapping on a hasty grin.

It was gonna be a weird day.


	2. Chapter 2

Ed and Isabel always skipped homeroom, and today they’d gotten Max to go with them for ‘training’.

“This is training, right? Not an excuse to fight me and/or other things.” Max asked while they climbed to the roof.

“It’s definitely training. Although also the other thing. Does it need to be either/or, honestly?” Isabel asked, Ed trailing behind them both. Max snorted, and Isabel laughed.

Ed drifted a bit further behind, not wanting to intrude on the conversation. He was still thinking, but it had gone from about height to being about the tack of Belarusian politics and kept spiraling out a bit.

“Wait, so we are going to fight, though?” Max asked as they scaled the stairs. “Because if I end up getting a bruise or whatever I’m gonna sue you.”

“Don’t worry Max, you’re not gonna bruise  _much_ , we’ll just be doing simple exercises. Besides, you gotta toughen up somehow! We can’t wait on you to stop flinching every time a spirit blinks at you.” Isabel replied, pushing open the double-door to the roof.

“I caught that ‘much’, dammit! And it’s not my fault I have a survival instinct, unlike some BLOODTHIRSTY people I just HAPPEN to know!” Max spat back as he passed through the door.

“ED!” Isabel yelled down the stairwell. “What are you doing, dude! Get up here!”

Ed looked up, a little startled, but flashed a quick smile. “Hey Izzie, do you ever wonder why post-Soviet countries flags all looks so bad?”

“Dude, what? Come on, get up here.”

“I’m just saying!” Ed said, taking the stairs up two at a time now. “Except for Russia and Ukraine, they all look tacky!”

“Gah, I don’t know. Maybe they just didn’t prioritize arts and crafts, or whatever. Get up here you dork!” Isabel said, pulling away from the door and going to the roof.

“HEY NO WAIT DON’T LET THE DOOR--”

The double door slammed shut right in Ed’s face.

“Slam shut on me...” Ed  finished, quieter.

\----

Slightly further down the stairs, Suzy and Collin were eavesdropping.

“Suzy, we’re gonna get called out for being late to class.”

Suzy didn’t move, silently straining to see if she could hear more.

“Suzy. Suzy please.”

The door slammed shut. “I think I heard them mention training,” Suzy said, jotting down in her notebook. “Do you think their ninjas? Ninjas would sell well in the paper.”

“Suzy, we should go to class-”

“Are THEY going to class, Collin?!” Suzy interrupted him, glaring up the stairwell. “Do THEY have to rummage through the garbage to get dirt on a homeroom teacher so THEY can cut class? No.” Suzy gripped her pencil tighter, continuing “Do THEY have to follow other people around to check up on them?”

“Suzy, just tell Isabel you like her--”

Suzy twisted around to face him, snapping the pencil in her hand into tiny little splinters. “THIS ISN’T ABOUT HER, COLLIN! It’s about JOURNALISM!”

“If this about journalism than me being here with you is about friendship! Come on Suzy, just go up there and say you like her!”

“NEVER! Remember the plan, Collin! First, we get some dirt on her, then we force her to go out so we can get more information, then I expose Mr. Spender for the charlatan he is, and FINALLY, maybe, potentially, possibly… Only slightly possibly, can I tell Isabel I like her. And that’s that.”

Collin slumped. “Fine. Whatever. Next time can you just bring Dmitri?”

“Dmitri always messes things up when it comes to the Activity Club. Besides, we’re bonding.” Suzy said, retrieving another pencil from her backpack.

“We’re sitting here in silence, Suzy! Please, just let me go.”

“Oh, I’m sorry was that?” Suzy perked up her head. “Huh, well that sounded just like me and you having a conversation! Would you believe?” Suzy said, mock surprise overwritten on her face.

Collin began melting onto the floor. “Suuuuuuuuzyyyyy--”

“Nuh uh, Collin! Now come on, let’s go upstairs to be sure we can hear the shenanigans!”Suzy scooped Collin up in her hands, trudging him up the stairs.

\----

“ALRIGHT!” Isabel shouted at her two trainee’s. “Are you guys ready… TO RUMBLE!?!?!”

Ed cheered while Max slapped his forehead, muttering “Didn’t anyone tell you wrestling was fake?” under his breath.

Isabel and Ed gasped. “You filthy liar! Get out of here!” Isabel shouted while dramatically pointing at him. Max instantly starting walking for the door. “Bye guys, have fun without me.”

“And by get out of here I mean come back here! You can’t wriggle out of this one Max!” Isabel glared at him from her perch on a school chimney.

“Oh look, and here I am, wriggling out of here!” Max retorted, shrugging his arms and wearing a shit-eating grin.

“Ed!” Ed dropped out of his reverie.

“Suplex him.”

Max scoffed. “Yeah, like he’s gonna be able to suplex me, he weighs like--”

Ed suplexed him, smashing Max right to the ground. “Sorry man, but if you train you’ll know how to block me next time!”

“Get your manhands off of me! Ya jerk.” Max grumbled, shifting and trying to get out from under Ed.

_ They’re not manhands _ was Ed’s first instinctive thought, and then Ed grinned and simply pinned Max down tighter. “If you wanna get up Max, you just have to agree to exercise with us!” Ed said, pushing Max’s face down in the cement. “Otherwise I’m just gonna have to hold you down here until class starts.

_ “fine” _

“I’m sorry, what was that? Isabel, could you hear him?” Ed said, looking up to Isabel.

“Not at all, Ed! Maybe he could speak up a bit?”

“I said fine…”

“Just a little bit louder, Max!” Isabel called from her spot on the roof.

“FINE! Okay, I’ll work out with you guys, jeez!”

“Good call, Max. If you hadn’t I think Isabel would’ve thrown you off the roof.” Ed joked as he pulled Max up from the ground.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, weirdo.” Max grumbled, walking over to Isabel.

“I’m only as weird as you are!” Ed replied glibly, walking alongside him.

“ALRIGHT LOSERS!” Isabel shouted. “Let’s! Get! Training!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! This is kind of more spread out between characters, but would you prefer more focus on Ed figuring out trans stuff or split between everyone? Lemme know by commenting!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Sorry for the long time between chapters, school hit me like a freight train and it is... unfun, to say the least. But now I've actually had time to write, so yay!

Max was panting and out of breath by the time training was over, and he was the only one.

“H-how are you guys, not out o-of breath by now?” Max complained, sweating his skin off.

“Dude, it’s been five minutes. Tops.” Isabel said, looking at Max the same way you might look at a small child who’s suddenly fallen and can’t get up. 

“Are you Ok? Do you need Extreme-stract? Because  I can--”

“What,” Max said, deadpan with the repressed dead anger of a thousand nuns, “Is Extreme-stract.”

“It’s a small coagulant made out of protein, grain, a woodchuck, and-- look, it doesn’t matter, all right? Let’s just get you in the shade before you have a heat stroke or something.”

Max gracefully collapsed in the shade, panting. “Too sweaty for sarcasm…”

Isabel stood off to the side, thinking out loud. “Ed, we might need a towel for him. And I’m gonna start making him eat Extreme-stract. Geez, this dude just is not cut out for exercise over extended amounts of time…”

Ed was thinking about other things. Why did he have to get taller? Did he have to go through the rest of all the stuff guys went through?

“Ed, I think it’s almost time for real class. I’m gonna pick up Max and carry him since he is…” Isabel glanced at the scrawny pile of twitching flesh panting in the shade. “Not in the best shape.”

Isabel picked up Max and threw him over her shoulder. “I’ll see you at lunch!” Isabel said, and then started running towards the ledge.

“Wait-” Max said, eyes popping open.

“You’re not actually going to do that” He protested as Isabel got closer to the ledge.

“Isabel, you’re not actually going to-” Isabel jumped gracefully off the ledge as Max screamed, slowly tapering off as they fell further and further.

Ed was still, quietly thinking.

The roof door opened. The expression on Suzy’s face was one of horror, shock, disbelief, and confusion.

“ED!”

Ed looked up. “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

Suzy loomed closer. “did you really just-- YOUR BEST FRIEND IS GONE!!!”

Ed looked at her quizzically. “Yeah, she’s gone. Took Max with her too. What is… What is your point?”

“Double suicide. This is a tragedy.... Tragedies sell! Colin, we need to get down there as fast as we can, I need a picture of me mourning over the body--”

“OR WE COULD CALL AN AMBULANCE LIKE DECENT PEOPLE SUZY--”

“She’s not dead.”

Suzy and Colin looked at Ed and paused. “Look, Ed, I know what this is. When your best friend dies you don’t want to admit it it’s deniance. Deniance is when you try to control reality--”

“She’s waving up here.”

“WHAT!” Suzy shouted, going over to the ledge to peer over. True to form, there was Isabel, waving and smiling. Max was down there as well, heaving into a bush and crying.

Suzy whipped her head around and gave Ed the look. It was a look that had paralyzed adults, sent dogs running, and one time set fire to a rat.

Colin froze. He knew that look all too well. It was the look that meant Suzy was going to get her way, bar nothing. That was the look that had kept him chained to Suzy for years, that had kept her father wrapped around her little finger.

Suzy was crying. Sobbing, actually. Her body was wracked by huge heaves and sniffles as she made her advance, and tearfully wrapped Ed up in her clammy, snotty embrace.

“Why does she keep running away from me, Ed!!! She’s so pre-eeeeeeeettyy! I just want to talk to her!!! Ed, help meeeeeeeee!” She sniffled as Ed tried to get out of her blubbering flesh shackles, but no matter what she seemed to keep attached to him no matter what he tried to do!

“ED HELP ME I’M SO SAAAAAAD!” Suzy kept crying as Ed looked to Colin for some help, but there was none. Colin resolutely turned away, afraid he’d explode of pity.

“Alright, alright, I’ll help you! Just get off of me!” Ed cried out, to which Suzy looked up at him with watery eyes.

“You’ll really do it, Ed? Really really?” Suzy asked.

“Don’t do it, Ed! Don’t say anything!” Colin said from a safe distance away. “No amount of crying is worth selling your soul away!”

Suzy cried harder, nuzzling her gross face into Ed’s shirt, which was rapidly getting wetter with tears.

“I’ll do whatever you want, just please get off of me!”

Immediately the waterworks snapped off, and Suzy sprung up. “All right! Colin, go find the drama kids, we’re going undercover!”

Colin dutifully scuttled off, and it was just Ed and Suzy.

“Hey, uh, Ed… thanks a lot.”

Ed shrugged. “I mean, this is my favorite shirt. I couldn’t say no, could I?”

Suzy laughed. “Oh no, if you hadn’t your reputation would be dragged through so much mud, you’d be a walking ball of dirt! But still, thanks.”

“No problem, Boblem.” Ed replied.

“But, just so you know,” Suzy said, smiling evilly, “You should never say ‘I’ll do whatever you want’ to me.”

Suzy grinned wide, getting all up in Ed’s personal space.

“Because that’s

A

Super

Bad

Idea.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaugh I've been so busy sorry but anyway here's chapter 4

The drama kids were pretty nice, all things considered. It seemed that Suzy wielded a significant amount of power just by entering the room, while Colin nervously tittered in the corner. Ed looked at all the pretty costumes they had, dresses studded with fake pink jewels and some golden silk flapper dresses, all hung around.

The theatre was surprisingly big for a small town school, mostly due to the donations of a certain town bigwig who’d wanted to push his daughter into acting. Suzy snapped at Ed to get attention.

“Ed, this is--” Suzy looked at one of the costume kids, then back at Ed, and resumed “Some random theatre kid.”

“I have a name--” The random theatre kid protested, but was then swiftly cut off by Suzy as she continued talking to Ed. “This random theatre kid is gonna give you a sweet disguise, and then you’re going to get Isabel to slip some deets on the down low. We have a bunch of bugs to attach to you, so it doesn’t matter how loud she’s talking or how far away.”

“Why would I need to wear a disguise?” Ed asked.

“Why wouldn’t you need to wear a disguise? This is a serious journalist operation, Ed. You need a disguise.” Suzy replied, eyebrows furrowed in irritation. “You can’t be a good journalist if you don’t wear a disguise, it’s just… it’s just not how this thing works.”

“Yeah, but I mean, I already talk to Isabel on a daily basis, I don’t see--”

Colin perked up from sulking in the corner “It’s because her flusteredness from Isabel-proximity is still making her act weird.”

“Shut it, Colin! Who’s the head journalist here? Anyway, I’ll let random drama assistant guy help you out with the disguise, and Colin will go coordinate with Dmitri over shoving bugs into every part of your costume!”

Colin rushed out of the room fast, and Suzy pushed Ed into a convenient make-up chair.

“So, Ed, what do you want your disguise to look like?” Suzy asked, looking at a bevy of tacky costume pieces and sweaters.

“We have some cool fake mustaches, fedora’s, trench coats, monocles, some Clark Kent glasses-- it’s a lot of options.”

Ed slumped down in the make up chair as Suzy kept throwing the possible disguises Ed could wear at him. He didn’t feel like wearing any of the disguises, and he definitely didn’t want to wear a fake mustaches. He wanted to go back and look at the dresses, honestly, but Suzy was being so pushy he didn’t want to interject in her ranting, which had somehow gone from being about disguising Ed to snapping at the random theatre assistant that their name didn’t really matter anyways.

“Ed? I’m gonna need you to speak up, buddy.” Suzy told Ed as she shooed the drama assistant away. “The drama assistants are being uppity because I refuse to remember their names, which is  _ super  _ rude of them.”

“I figure you were just gonna do whatever you wanted with the outfit, honestly.” Ed replied, holding his jaw in his hand. “I don’t really like any of this stuff.”

Suzy blinked. “Listen, Ed, you and I kind of got off on the wrong foot. This is me being nice! So  _ don’t waste it. _ Now is there anything, anything at all, that you’d like to wear?”

Ed pondered a bit more, and a bit too slowly for Suzy’s liking. She was doing all the stuff the friendship guide book said to do, and it wasn’t working. How hard could it be to turn someone’s lifelong friend and confidante against them?!?

“Well, I was kind of thinking it’d be cool to try out one of the dresses, honestly.” Ed said, still lost in thought. But Suzy was too impatient.

“EXCELLENT! One of the dresses! ASSISTANT!” Suzy clapped her hands.

“I have name, Su--”

“Shut it, or I’ll stop paying you! Make Ed look good in a dress, he’s got a disguise that needs to look perfect!”

The assistant sighed and glared at Suzy, then took Ed by the hand. “Come with me, lackey. It’s going to be a while.”

Ed stammered out a couple of protests, but the assistant had an iron grip and a soulless demeanor that outmatched Max’s.

“Listen, I get Suzy pulled you into this,” the assistant said, pushing Ed over to the other side of the room. “So just try and uh, do your best, y’know? Suzy may have stolen our spines, but we still have pride in our work, dammit.”

The assistant started pawing through an assortment of dresses. “So, uh, what’s your preferred style? We got a ton of these so there’s a lot of options.”

Ed touched one of the more gossamer ones, feeling the silk in his hands. It had a poofy, pink appearance, almost kind of medieval.

“Oh, hey, hang on! You can’t use that one, we’re using it for a production of St. Olga’s and the drama teacher will kill me if I lose it. Here, take a look at these. You like green, right?” The assistant pulled Ed away from it and towards some other dresses.

“Let’s see here… This one is what we used for the Princess and the Frog, it looks nice…” The assistant held the yellow and green dress up to Ed’s body, and judged it for a few seconds.

“Yep, that’ll work. Hold that one. Any other dresses you want to see?”

Ed really just wanted to try on all of them. They were really cute, an assortment of pretty colors and soft fabrics. But Ed didn’t want to be rude, so he just said “Whatever you think would look good, honestly.”, and that was that.

The assistant looked at Ed for a bit. “Y’know, you’d make a really pretty girl. Just saying.”

Ed blushed a little. “Do you really think so? I mean, Isabel always says I’m gross.”

“Eh, everybody’s gross. Now c’mon, try this on in the changing room and I’ll get the makeup ready.”

 

\----

 

Max and Isabel had been shushed out of the nurse’s office after being told that Max just needed a little bit of water and shade. 

“Max, you really need to start working on your endurance. You fight like a 12-year-old.” Isabel said while patting him roughly on the back.

“I am a 12-year-old, Isabel. That is my age. You’re just like, a superwoman.” Max wheezed out, still a little exhausted.

“I’m not a superwoman, Max, I’m just awesome. Now let’s get you to class. Where do you need me to drop you off?” Isabel asked, hauling Max over her shoulder.

“I’d complain, but this is actually really comfortable.” Max said quietly.

“I need a classroom, dude.” Isabel said, glancing at the stairs. “You have Mrs. Baxter, right? That sucks.”

Max was quiet, so Isabel assumed she was right. “Okay then, Max, let’s go.”

It wasn’t until she reached the second floor that Isabel realized she had no concrete idea which room was Mrs. Baxter’s. She’d never had Mrs. Baxter before, and the whole school layout was kind of funky. Sometimes it felt like the entire layout changed just to screw with her, and the only reason she’d ever gone to Mrs. Baxter’s room was so Mr. Spender could have boring nerd talks with her, which she never paid any attention to.

“Uh, hey, Max? You know where Mrs. Baxter’s room is, right?”

No response from Max. She shook him a little bit. “Max, dude, I need directions. C’mon man.”

Max was still quiet. “Max?”

She laid him down on the floor, and he started snoring. “Max! You suck so much right now and I can’t even yell at you!”

She kicked him right in the ribs, but he didn’t even miss a beat.

“Max you suck so muuuuch.” She whined as she picked him up again. “I better not be late to class taking care of you!”

As she carried him down the halls, she pricked up for a second. She felt like something might have been watching.

She looked behind her, but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But she still felt a little like something was wrong. She shifted Max a little bit to be sure he wouldn’t fall off, and started running. She was just going to have to hope whatever was with her was slow.


	5. Chapter 5

Ed was blushing. He’d been blushing the entire time, actually, which the drama assistant had said was totally unnecessary, this was their job, y’know? Which, ironically, had only made Ed blush even harder. It was just all so nice!

“Is there anything I can do to make you less embarrassed?” The drama assistant asked while checking what shade of green would go best with Ed’s hair.

“I’m n-not embarrassed. I just… I just feel really pretty. It’s... nice.”

The assistant let out a tch as they went with a warmer shade of green. “Y’know, this doesn’t have to be a one-time thing. There are plenty of us here who are genderqueer. RJ visited a few times, but we weren’t punk enough for them.”

“Oh, I, uh-- what’s genderqueer?” Ed nervously smiled, hoping to move the conversation forward without saying too much.

“Me, for one. It’s like, don’t like your gender? Want to get a new one? Come join the genderqueers, new gender guaranteed!”

Ed blinked at the assistant a bit, who started to nervously backpedal a little. “I mean, not literally, of course. It’s got more to do with exploring gender identity, and having a place where you’re not alone in experimenting and-- look, just throw this on!”

The assistant threw Ed into the changing room with a new dress and some ribbons. The dress was light green, and made out of a velvet material. It was pretty simple, obviously for a girl next door type of character, and it needed some kind of accessory like a bow. But Ed just loved it. He didn’t know how to put on the ribbons, however, so he stepped outside to ask the assistant.

The assistant blushed when he came out. “You look adorable! I’m glad that dress worked, because for a second I was worried that I might have picked the wrong colors, but you look great.”

Ed held up the ribbons, apologetically. “Oh, yeah! Sorry, I just sort of assumed you knew who. C’mon, get back in the chair and I’ll put these in for you.”

Ed’s hair wasn’t too long, but the assistant still managed to find enough slack to put the ribbons in. They were these small, green things, with little gold bits at the center, and they curled in on themselves. They were beautiful.

“See that in the mirror! That’s you!” The assistant said, slapping Ed on the back. “Now we’ve just got to get makeup on you.”

“Izzie always said that makeup was stupid, though!” Ed tried to get out of the chair, but the assistant pushed him back down. “Hey, makeup is not stupid!”

The assistant had managed to find a soap box, and was standing on it. “Makeup is what people use to make themselves better than what they were! Sure, maybe it’s perpetuation by the bourgeoisie is unethical, but what would be without makeup? We’d lack confidence! The very glue of society would crumble like bad foundation! Ed!”

Ed flinched for a second.

The assistant got off the box, and sighed. “We don’t actually have to if you don’t want to, but I bet you’d prefer the makeup. It’s not stupid, and it won’t take that long.”

“Oh,” Ed said, and then smiled. “Let’s get the makeup on, then!”

The assistant grinned, then started rummaging through the drawers, checking the colors against Ed’s skin. They chose a few of them, then looked at Ed. “You have really good cheekbones. That’s good. Okay, I’m just going to start applying this. Can I take your glasses off?”

Ed nodded, and the assistant plucked the glasses from his nose, leaving his sight mostly blurry.

“Okay, I’ll be done with this in a sec, and then I’ll put them back on. Just sit back and relax.”

The feeling of the brush on Ed’s face was nice, as the assistant quietly went over everything to make sure it looked nice. “Y’know, you’re eyes are a lovely color,” The assistant said as they focused on his forehead. “Your glasses totally muck them up. You should consider wearing contacts.”

Ed sighed. “I was going to get contacts originally, but Mr. Guerra said he didn’t want to waste time on getting them in his daily routine unless I paid for them.”

Ed was quiet for a second, and then continued. “Plus, my parents wore them.”

“Oh.” The assistant replied, and it hung flat in the air for a few seconds. “Well, you look good either way!”

Ed blushed a little more, although it was harder to see behind the make up. The assistant continued. “And I’ve got some other pairs of glasses you can try, if you want, I’m not sure if I have your prescription and all but, just to try on might be nice. And maybe I could take pictures? Anyways, I-- Uh, well, that make-ups all done, so you can have your glasses back now!”

The world came back into focus. Ed looked in the mirror. He looked… nice. Usually when Ed looked in the mirror, there were a million other things he’d rather be looking at. But now his attention was just on his reflection. He started to well up in his eyes.

“Are you ok?” The assistant asked, leaning in.

“No, no, I’m fine! Just… Just feel good, is all.” Ed replied, trying to downplay how he felt.

The assistant smiled. “Cool. Okay, Suzy should be back in a sec, so I guess we have a little time.”

“Oh!” Ed exclaimed, “What was your name again?”

\----

Isabel was not having fun. She didn’t know where Ms. Baxter’s room was, she was being chased by… by  _ something _ , and she didn’t even know what it was! Part of her wanted to bring Max to Mr. Spender’s classroom, but he was still teaching, and the sting to her pride would be annoying.

She couldn’t just run and hide. She had to do something. So, Isabel slid to a stop. She dumped Max from her shoulders. And then, she turned around.

“I know you’re out there!”

The darkness of the hallway loomed against her, the words echoing in the (surprisingly spacious and empty) silent rows of lockers.

Nothing. But something had to have been chasing her. Right? She prodded Max again, just to make herself feel better.

“Where would I be if I were a spirit that needed to hide?” She asked aloud, prodding Max in the ribs to punctuate every word. “Let’s see… Probably somewhere I wouldn’t be seen unless I wanted to… Somewhere I’d have to be certain no one would look without warning… Maybe somewhere like-- the lockers?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update!


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